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In an oddly-thrilling matchup, Literary Super Bowl 26 went all the way to its final pages, with the game's winner being decided in overtime.

The Vampires defeated the Wolverines 31-28 on a remarkable last-second field goal, kicked by Robert Pattinson, who also served as the team's quarterback, running back, wide receivers, and tight ends. Not surprisingly, he was later named the game's MVP.

"You know, we sure played like a bunch of vampires tonight," said Pattinson. "I mean, we don't kill people, we live during the daylight, we can eat garlic, and we don't turn into bats, but in basically every other facet besides those, we're some pretty legit vampires."

These remarks come after the Vampires have recently received some flak for not hiring any players of Transylvanian heritage.

"Oh, and I sparkle, too," added Pattinson. "Totally a vampire tonight."

According to attendance figures, the host venue New Orleans Superdome approximated around 72,000 fans, all of which were females between the ages of 12 and 19. Local animal shelters in the area are reporting that the high-pitched sounds caused many dogs to commit suicide.

"It's worse than when Michael Vick came here and beat our Saints," said New Orleans Animal Shelter owner Joan Robbin.

Of course, many literary fans are upset that more significant literature pieces, such as "Brave New World," didn't make it to this year's big game.

"I was really holding out for a Harry Potter upset," said 36-year old wizard wannabe Kelly Gamis. "His books are so intellectual! Maybe next year."

Notable Literary Super Bowls in History:
  • 1984: In a stunning upset, the book "1984" lost to "2001: A Space Odyssey."
  • 1991: "Goodnight Moon" actually manages to win a game.
  • 1994: "I Am Legend" disqualified week before event due to improper grammar in its very title.
  • 2003: "Angels and Demons" wins, the first time a book not in "Oprah's Book Club" wins in the previous eight years.




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All stories are original work and property of Jeff LaFave.

This website should not be treated as real news in any way shape or form.

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